What's the worst deathtrap you've ever driven on the road?

[Scruffy Bodger]

Dodgy brakes are always fun. Metal on metal works at least but it does make the job dearer than just buying pads.

My kit car had a great trick up it's sleeve in an emergency stop. It turned out the bloke who built it had neglected to fit a compensator valve of any description, it'd lock the back before the front if you stamped on the pedal too hard, very handy when you need to slow rapidly.

[bub2006]

I've had a few shit shows over the years believe it or not.
Let's start with the scooters and bikes.
Sym jungle 50 cc. Head on with a volvo 340. Completely bent the front end in and broken all the plastics. Straightened out with a volvo 940,ldv convoy and good luck. Gaffer taped a carrier bag over the front end and a bike light to shine the road up. I was pulled over 3 days later. Cone on I was young (16 ) and dumb. Until I turned 17 and bought my first geared bike.
1976 cz 125. Nice bike but damn thirsty and back then I knew nothing about maintenance and that 6v bikes liked a healthy battery. No tax,no insurance and a lot of luck means I surprisingly wasn't pulled over. I didn't know then that when tensioning a chain,the bake brake became tighter. Lesson learned,also wouldn't run right at all. Sold it for a loss but if I knew then what I know now or even what I knew a few years later I'd have been ok!
Last one for the 2 wheeled section was a piaggio sfera 125. Quite a nippy little scooter but it had no back brake. The casting had snapped where the rod went through the casing. A few weeks later the front pads were down to metal. I survived and that's when survival kicked in and I started to learn myself what I know today and I'm still learning!

In between sort of legal scooters and bikes I went through a phase of driving illegally for a few years. Nearly met my maker one night in 2004 when I was invited by a lass I was seeing at the time to her uncles wedding reception. Her uncle was a big meat head,ran the doors and also had a lot of big friends. Typical then for a dozy cunt like me to own a Completely illegal G plate 205 diesel with a knackered gear linkage. Lean into car to start it while absentmindedly chatting with people. Car decides it was jn gear even though I'm sure it was in neutral and fucks off backwards into the grooms M reg mondeo ST24. Right on cue I was surrounded by alot of drunk amd probably drugged steroid munchers who weren't very impressed that I had no insurance. Very close to being in a shallow grave that night and the most I've ever been scared if I'm honest. 17 years old and being dragged down to the fields behind the country club we were at. Luckily the lasses dad was quite the diplomat and managed to get us out of there. I paid him 400 quid for damage with a loan from my grandad. The 205 had a stoved back end and no lights on one side. Still drove that for a few weeks without getting stopped.

Nissan micra k10 with a bad bottom knock decided to put a leg out of bed while I was on my best behaviour being followed by a panda car astra. Lots of oil and smoke and in between the confusion I legged it over the fence and Into the housing estate. Car wasn't registered to me and again I wasn't fully legal.
After I passed my test my cars have been a little better behaved.
Volvo 340 bought off of AS was a complete bastard though,couldn't get it to run right and needed revs left on to stop it cutting out. Very intense with a cvt box though.
Xsara picasso 1.8 had a monumental oil thirst problem and liked to smoke like a bitch. Sold that onto someone from AS where it had a 2.0 petrol lump shoved in mated to manual gear box. I think it is still on the road!

[fraser]

South Wales to Hereford on the handbrake after rear flex hose gave up. Grand voyager, so yanks don't design handbrake too well.
Renault 21 from Gloucester to Hereford. They have a habit of snapping clutch cables. Cable snapped and I couldn't get a spare late in the day. As we've all done. Start in gear and rev match. Luckily it was just out of Gloucester, so missed the ring road roundabouts.

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[Bangernomics]

What is it with s3 landy buying and them being absolute heaps. Mine had a ticket and enough under seal and biscuit tins to look ok. Drove it for a year on a gallon of fuel to half a gallon of oil basis.

It’s now buried halfway in the town centre of bury. I sold it to the council as a flower bed at a slight profit somehow.

It literally pissed oil it was that bad I used to pour the stuff in from our “decent” car that I’d saved after changing it.

Did a winter with a portable gas heater in it as it wouldn’t get warm by the time I’d got to work.


Gzongenflatch

[Hooli]

Ahhh factory fresh then.

[Scruffy Bodger]

At one point in the past before I made a cut down sump I used to use a Vitalite tub to catch the oil under my kit car each time I parked it, then pour it back in before I drove off. I was forever twatting the sump off stuff as the engine was slung so low in the chassis.

[paulplom]

Both my last transits required new sumps. There's no undershield so they get hit by stones and shit and rot like fuck. They even put a new sump on the exchange engine. Utter fucking garbage.

[paulplom]

I've never really driven death traps. I spent every weekend in scrap yards getting parts keeping them on the road. I've always been on the dot with servicing and repairs. Even now. If you don't keep on top of small jobs you end up with a car littered with then which makes it uneconomic to keep it going usually.

[treehugger]

No sump guard on a working vehicle like that? Shit.

[paulplom]

Nothing and they hang lower than the bumper.
All that road salt does wonders for primered pressed steel.