Claim's Cabbies Corner. Repo Revenge.

[Eddie Honda]

Never had any offers even though I was neither old or ugly at the time. Mind you, I've always been a bit of a miserable cunt.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

This is an aspect of Cabbies Corner that could very quickly start to sound like a Carry On or worse a Confessions Of film.

When I did this sort of thing I was a a lot younger and fitter also it was dark so my ( and their) ugliness wasn’t an issue, for that reason I’m taking The Fifth.

I’d agree with my Learned Friend that anyone that would offer sexual favours for a £5/10 fare is probably not a Lady you’d want to dally with. I’d rather slam it in the garden gate , as dear old grandpa used to say.

We had a regular customer who would go from her nice house in Silverstone to the motel at Newport Services every 2 weeks. She always had a small suitcase and a shopping bag full of Bacardi bottles. The first time I did the job, the controller said “ You’re in for a treat on this one” I thought it was because it was a good fare, anyway on arrival at motel she asks if I’ll take the bags in for her, a soon as I’m through the door, she lunged at me , almost pushing me on the bed. I panicked , pushed her away and ran out!
She wasn’t unattractive, what we’d now call a Cougar, I suppose.
Anyway , everyone had a good laugh back at base and whenever she booked afterwards she’d request not to send “ The big queer lad”
Which of course the controllers reminded the whole circuit of every time.

[treehugger]

Just to go off on a tangent for a little while I thought I'd touch on a subject that many people want to know about working nights driving a taxi.

Do you get many offers and do you get to shag plenty of birds on the back seat?

An interesting question.

I'm going to explode a myth first. Every lady who's made me an offer has paid the fair first. I honestly can't say that I've ever been offered a shag in lieu of payment. The clost I got to a shag for fare scenario is when I had my hack and picked up a girl who was obviously on the game. The fare came to something like a fiver and she offered to either pay the fiver or pay £3.20 and a blow job. I took the fiver! £1.80 has to be the cheapest trade price blow job in history though.

Some ladies were well known in our area as being up for it. One such lady was a barmaid called Jan who, by her own admission, had shagged over a thousand men. Jan has huge tits and was married to a fella who apparently was a near Olympic standard rower. Jan likes her comfort though, no back seat banging for her, you had to take her back home which is great if you're single. Jan always wears lingerie and her pulling ploy is to cross her legs on the back seat so you can see everything and when she pays you she scratches the plam of your hand with her nails and asks if you'd like to get "amorous". When I first encountered her it was early Xmas morning. I picked her up from a pub (not the one she worked in) where she'd clearly spent the night shagging the landlord. She was pretty open on the journey back to her home that he'd failed to satisfy her and was flirting hard. Sadly, I was in a relationship at the time and had to knock her back. I was pretty flattered when she said she didn't do old or ugly and I was neither though! When she gave up on me she sighed and said "never mind, I suppose I should go back to my husband anyway as it is both Christmas and his birthday".

As luck might have it I picked her up again about a year later when I had just become single again. Somewhat unsurprisingly she didn't recognise me but tried it on with me again. I was happy to oblige this time and we went back to my flat for drinks and a shag before taking her back home the following lunchtime. She certainly lived up to her reputation and I really can't complain at all. Everyone happy and phone numbers weren't exchanged. We both new the score. Apparantly she left her husband to live with another (brave) man shortly afterwards. She did have some strange bedroom fantasies though, Lady Chatterley's Lover kinda stuff, after climaxing through oral she'd shout "please mount me my lord and roger me hard". Still, each to their own.

It's pretty important for a taxi driver to know his place when it comes to offers off ladies at 3am. Remember that she's been to the pub and failed to score, been to a club and failed to score, been for a curry and failed to score and therefore the taxi driver taking her home is the last roll of the dice. It's either him or the rampant rabbit. If there was an alternative then there's now way she'd be asking you in for a coffee!

As a single driver working weekend nights for my firm there was an easy option. We had/have a base in the nightclub area of town that on weekends is manned by a bouncer. If I tipped him £2 at the start of my shift he's make sure that instead of the usual pissed up arseholes wanting a lift home I'd get the better single ladies as fares. £2 well spent as I'm sure you'd agree. Sadly this backfired on me one New Years Eve when I scored early and ended my shift with only £80 in my pocket.

If you want to know more then let me know.

Shagged over thousand men? Must have a fanny like a dray horses bottom lip

[BenHar]

Donna is both tiny and gobby. About 4'10 with short hair.

Has she got a flat head?

Ben

[mercrocker]

Twin overhead cam, probably.

[BenHar]

Twin overhead cam, probably.

That would help with the suction but shake your beer.

Ben

[DodgeRover]

Donna is both tiny and gobby. About 4'10 with short hair.

Has she got a flat head?

Ben

So you can rest your beer?
And does her daddy own a liquor store?

[Warren t claim]

Being sober is the biggest advantage you can have in a fight , that and stupid meant being out numbered didn’t used to bother me that much. This enthusiasm and having 2.0 petrol cars meant I always seemed to be first to arrive, in fact the night co trollers often prefaceda 4-0 call with my number!

I'm not going to let this one slip without demanding further info!

We really need to know what othe cars were working your circuit at that time.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

The circuit I worked on was the smallest of 5 in Milton Keynes at the time, it was owned by crazy Italian who hugged and kissed everyone when he saw them, dodgy as fuck and ended up with a 3 year stretch for fiddling Family Tax Credit- he’d say drivers , controllers phone operators etc were on wages then do the Tax Credit paperwork and take 25%. He did it for about 5 years before he got too clever and did it for someone who was also claiming dole. I almost got caught up in it and was arrested but luckily I looked after my own fraud. Although when they turned up at 05.00 with an ARV( !!) they thought they’d got the Kingpin as it was when my money pit Turbo R was dripping diff oil on the drive. I struggled to get my Sherpa off them as Tony told everyone it was his and the HMRC twats chose to believe hearsay rather than the V5c ! In the end my mate Miles pretended to be my brief in a meeting at Tax Office and made lots of legal sounding bollocks, I got it back.( Miles was and still is an IT geek not a lawyer)
Funnily enough I got a “ random “ tax revue and investigation the next year...

Anyway, Tony had about 6 Cavaliers that he rented out, al 1.6 petrols. He’d also got a very early a Vectra 1.8 to try with a view to replacing the fleet, he ended up buying Rover 600 diesels as the Vectra was unreliable and expensive. He’d also got a pair of 2.0 DOHC Granada saloons for the “ executive” work, although due to him usually owing me money for the Minibus and a couple of Montegos he subbed out and me cultivating a relationship* with the head day controller, I got nearly all the airports. In fact some of my customers today 20 odd years later are those same people.
There was a very basic 1.7d Astra estate mk3 that Tony used to commute in to save money. It was plated and used in desperation. I borrowed it on the odd Saturday . One night in the Astra I had a job picking up 4 women from a Dreamboys night at the local CIU, as expected they were pissed out of their heads and wouldn’t keep their hands to themselves, did I mention they were all quite large? The one behind me couldn’t shut her door, so I got out to help, I gave the door a good shove and their was a screech from the other side- I’d fired the woman that side straight out onto the pavement! None of us could stop laughing for the entire journey, I almost accepted the invite for coffee from the last drop, her assurance that “ Its OK , nothing wakes Darren up” might have had something to do with it.

There were a couple of owner drivers, one a guy everyone called Stan, had a Proton saloon . Which was all well and good, but he also used it as a driving school car, so it dual controls... I think he could probably disable them, but he often didn’t. Lots of passengers had tales of how they inadvertently slammed the brakes on.
Another owner driver was a guy from Luton that worked at Vauxhall and had done since about 1965, he took voluntary redundancy and bought a bright red Vectra , reckoned he’d made it himself. He got T-boned by a drunk one Saturday night and ended up in hospital. His first call was to the office to ask me if I could get a package out of the spare wheel well and keep it safe before the car was recovered.
Off I went and retrieved the cloth bag , I couldn’t resist a peek, there was £10,000 in grubby notes. I went to his house the next day and when his Mrs was making tea , he told me he saved all his cab earnings and always had, to send back to Pakistan where he was building a hotel and had another family that his Mrs didn’t know about.

I replaced the Carlton with a Granada 2.5TD Ghia , which I never gelled with, after 6 months I sold it to Tony to replace one of his petrol Gannys. I then bought an Omega 2.0I CD , which was Ok and the last work car I owned that didn’t have a/c.
The diesel Granny met a sticky end outside The Hilton in MK when an Italian tourist hit it head on killing the driver, an old Turkish guy , whose name escapes me. I’ll have to stop and look at the shrine that’s still there 18 years later. The Italian pissed off but eventually about 5 years later did get dragged back and prosecuted. The other car was only a Corsa, presumably Imhet (??) didn’t have his belt on.

Sorry for rambling, but one memory sort of leads to another.

[mercrocker]

Great stuff, this thread.....This Tony in MK - didn't have an 80s footballer perm and go on to a scaffolding business by any chance?