Cortina Capers. What are yours?

[Eddie Honda]

Turns out he had a key that fitted any old Ford, this was removed from his possession.

THAT'S A FUCKING SCREWDRIVER!

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

In 1972 my Dad worked for Plessey Electronics and brought home a Daytona yellow Mark III 2000XL one evening. Aged 5, I was taken for a high speed ride. They were 100 mph cars.

About the same time, my Uncle Alan replaced his 1600E with a red 1600XL on a J plate so an early one. It wasn't as good but he had it for three years and sold it to my younger Uncle. Alan followed that up with a Maxi and then a run of Cortinas, the best one being a 1977 R registered 2.0 GL in Roman bronze.

I had several between 1987 and 1992. First was a 1981 W plate Cortina L, as rotten as a pear. I only discovered after buying it that it was a 1300. I put four good used doors on, a wing and painted it. Second was an R reg 1600L.That was a horrible tatty thing. I put a new clutch and a cam kit in, sprayed in Dog Cock Red, added Ghia alloys and smoked it for a bit.

Third was a V plate 2.0 GLS in Midnight blue and a really nice thing. It had the uprated suspension and nice Recaro type seats. I did some bodywork and sold it on.

Fourth was a beige V plate 1600L. I bought it from a trader - the box was noisy so I fitted another, did the void bushes (I always fitted solid estate ones) and ran that for a year.

Third and last was a V plate 1600L in Corsica blue with a black vinyl roof. One of the smoothest and quietest cars I'd driven and I'd travel from Oxford to Darlington without needing to stop. It was built in Cork and I owned it twice. I put two new front wings on when I first had it and Waxoyled it. I did about 30k between 89 and 92 and the only breakdowns were a seized alternator and a lazy starter motor. Both were 30 minute 30 quid fixes.

Having said that, the Sierra really was a big step forward. The ride and handling were vastly better plus it was noticeably more economical on a run.

Standard Cortina maintenance: a set of solid rear axle bushes to replace the voided ones and enlarge the camshaft spray bar holes. After that it would run forever.

[Hooli]

Turns out he had a key that fitted any old Ford, this was removed from his possession.

THAT'S A FUCKING SCREWDRIVER!

In the case of a mate's mk1 1300, a one penny coin worked too. Cue us always moving it around car parks when we spotted it and then waiting for the rant.

[Scruffy Bodger]

Turns out he had a key that fitted any old Ford, this was removed from his possession.

THAT'S A FUCKING SCREWDRIVER!

Not in this case

Or are you thinking of something that can.open any lock?

A Pikey

[xtriple]

I had a 'W' reg 2.0 GL Cortina '80' (MK 5 to you plebs!) as a company car, it was a vast improvement on the Hillman Avenger I had while on probation! Mind you, the Avenger was as bent as a corkscrew and didn't like corners, rain, going in a straight line or stopping, so the bar was not high!

Had a few but was never a particular fan of them to be honest, they always felt 'loose', especially after the Sierra. I did have a 2.3 Ghia which was okay in a slower than it should be, thirstier than a rugby player type way. It shed it's (fibre) cam gear not long after I sold it.

Tadt sir!

[cuntbuster]

Those fibre timing gears in the V6 were such a wank idea.

[Warren t claim]

Those fibre timing gears in the V6 were such a wank idea I'm shocked that Ford managed to lower the bar even further by fitting wet belts.

EFA

[NorfolkNWeigh]

1978 and I used to spend my lunchtimes poking around the local Ford and Volvo main dealers, collecting brochures and looking at the trade ins. I found a red Mk2 Cortina 1600 deluxe- KEJ 471H one owner 24,000 miles and totally rot free, but… the old boy that owned it scraped his gatepost every time he went out and the other side when he returned , it was up for £200. That night I told my Mum and Dad , my Mums Mini was on its last legs so he went and bought it on Saturday morning, At the time Dad had an F reg A60 Cambridge and it seemed like 20 years difference between them rather than 2 or 3. I loved it and spent my weekends cleaning and polishing it, painting the wheels silver and blacking the 5.20 13” Crossplys, I might have driven it up and down the lane to our house whenever my parents were out. In 1980 parents split up and sold the house, my Dad had a mid-life crisis and bought a GT6 my Mum got a Mk2 Capri 1600 XL, the Cortina? Was given to me!
I was only 16 and to complicate matters the family moved from Wales, my Dad borrowed a trailer and using a knackered old pool car from work ( a 2.5 V6 Consul L !!) moved it to outsidehis flat that was above his office in Wembley, just behind The Ace Cafe , although it was a tyre place in those days.
Within a couple of weeks it went missing , during the riots that were popular in London at the time. It turned up in some garages in Stonebridge Park , minus bonnet, bootlid and battery. We took it on that same trailer to my Mums house in Milton Keynes A couple of weeks later, a Copper turned up at my Dads flat with the bonnet, bootlid, battery plus a twin choke on a manifold and a set of Dartboards with brand new 185/70’s, all in giant Met Police evidence bags , result!
Once I passed my test I drove the wheels off that car, it got a Rover P6 leather interior, Fablon wood effect door tops and a variety of stereos, cassettes, 8 tracks, graphic equalisers- did I mention my Dad worked for Binatone?
Eventually after a couple of years I moved on and passed it on to my brother, who was an apprentice panel beater. He soon made it immaculate and added wide steel rear arches to cover the 15” slot mags, once he’d passed his test he got bored of it and got a Capri , it was parked up for 2 years or so. For some reason I unearthed it swapped the slot mags for14” 8 spokes painted black and promptly sold it . The lad I bought it off broke down just off the M1 and abandoned it, after a week and a broken window my brother “ liberated” it and parked it in a lockup, where it remained for about 4 years. He didn’t actually rent the lock up and when the council decided to build some bungalows they cleared the lockups and the Cortina disappeared, presumably scrapped, this was in 1989.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

I almost swapped my Zodiac Executive for another Mk2, this one was a 1500GT 2 door , Red with a gold ‘ Lotus stripe’riding on Dunlop alloys and with black leather Volvo front seats. Stupidly I backed out of the deal because I didn’t want an old car with no heated rear window, hazards , inertia reel belts etc, seem s ridiculous now, especially as I bought a 1958 S2 Land Rover with a V8 shoved in it instead. Is 20 still young enough to blame the folly’s of youth?

Anyway my next Cortina was an Mreg 2000E, orange with a black vinyl and a full length Webasto. This is the car I had when I met the current MrsN. On Christmas Day 1984 I had lunch at my Grandma’s house in Mid-Wales, jumped in the Cortina, thrashed it to The Savoy, where Miss N worked. Ate another Christmas Lunch in the staff quarters drove her to her Mums house in Milton Keynes and another Christmas Lunch, went to my Mum’s and , yes you’ve guessed it another fucking Christmas Lunch ! That Cortina will always remind me of first times and four dinners.
In the February I started another job, working for an ex and when she saw the Cortina she was horrified at such a common old banger and gave me her MK1 XR2 to use as a company car until my new XR3i turned up- the XR2 wasn’t as fast as the 2000E, which I swapped for a Renault17 Gordini , I let my brother use and he trashed it.

Just remembered my mate Dave’s Mk3 2000GT , an absolute heap that was far faster than it had any right to be. He was also the most erratic, terrible driver. One evening we came into the estate in MK we both lived me in my work Granada 2.8 Ghia X , him trying to get passed when i spotted a TVP Chevette on a slip road , at the next roundabout he went straight on and fucked off , I did aU-turn and tried to sneak away . Plod pulled me and questioned me about what was going on, I said I’d never seen the Cortina before but thought I might have cut it up. The copper pipes up “ Yeah it was two big spooks, your luck we were here “. He’d obviously seen the black tomb stone seats and thought it was a pair of giant black blokes. Dave came walking back a few minutes later he hadn’t even seen the Old Bil, a brake flexi had burst and he’d parked up down the road.
That GT eventually Met it end when he pulled in front of a Renault18 Turbo after 6 pints one Saturday lunchtime, apparently the smashed to fuck Renault chased the banana shaped Mk3 for about 5 miles before it seized in a loud of steam and oil smoke. The engine ended up in an Escort, obviously.

[xtriple]

I've remembered another... Back in the days wen I was a 'serious' biker I rode all year round. One year of riding a CB750 (K6 if you're interested) through the snow and ice of a Humberside winter was enough for me so I trooped off to the local car auctions and blew £20 on a MK2 Cortina 1500 GT estate! It had huge bubble arches and the big banded wheels I'd always wanted for my dream Anglia, sadly, the tyres had only distant memories of tread...

I brush painted it in the back garden (anyone else remember 'Parsons Re-paint ) in that lurid green that Ford did back in the 70s. The interior was really nice and it had the dash with the 4 gauges on top, rev counter and speedo, centre console (in brushed aluminium) and to be honest, it was actually, a pretty decent car, just old and unloved so no other bugger bid for it.

I ran it all through the winter and apart from the fact it would lose all braking after a decentish run (I did find the fault, a brake pipe was touching the exhaust manifold and boiling the fluid) it did me proud. I sold the bald tyred big wheels to a lad for more than I paid for the car and it ran on standard steel wheels and skinny tyres (which looked VERY odd in bubble arches) and finally killed it by towing my MK X Jag about ten miles, mostly uphill. Is it a surprise to anyone that the clutch died?

Anyway, I took it down to Eva's yard and they gave me £45 for it as the headlights were square halogen things out of a new Escort! I'd never noticed. So all in all, I drove for a year (nearly) in a fun car and made money!