Cars you hated and hope not to see again

[SubPar]

As alluded to in the other thread.

First, I owned a 1999 Audi A4 1.8t Quattro Sport from 2014-2016. I really fucking regret selling its predecessor, which was a 2001 Peugeot 306 HDi estate with a stage 1 map. The 306 ran on thin air, and handled & rode beautifully.

The Audi, however, had granite suspension, zero steering feel and shit handling. It was also gutless until you wound it right up to full boost, and drank like a retired footballer. Cornering hard was just grip, grip, grip then catastrophic understeer with no transition and no steering feel. I spent so much money on it I felt obliged to keep it so long before selling it at a loss. The entire time I owned it, there was always something wrong with it. It also managed to chomp its way through 3 coil springs in the time I owned it. They were 90 quid a pop because SPORTS SUSPENSION.

It did have a comfy leather interior with a Bose 10-speaker sound system, though. It was also a silly colour:

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After flogging the Audi for a loss, I decided to buy a Vauxhall Omega. It was a facelift model in black, with the 2.6 V6 and an auto box. The previous owner had fitted a rorty stainless steel exhaust, a lip spoiler and the 17" alloys from an Elite. It looked the absolute tits, and scared the shit out of people on the motorways because it looked straight out of Road Wars:

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That's it on my mate's driveway in Northampton. The tinted plates got immediately replaced with the standard plates provided in the boot before I even left my mate's driveway. Yep, I got it bought on my behalf and got a flight down to collect it and drive it back north. I hated it before I'd even crossed the border.
The driver's seat actively hurt me, the steering was vague, and the windows fogged up with just me in the car if it was anything other than bone dry outside. I even replaced the pollen filter to no effect.
The worst part of that car was the utterly dimwitted auto box, though. It was ridiculously keen to kick down and rev its tits off even though it was a honking great V6 so didn't need to. I mean I'd hit a slight gradient at 60mph and twitch my big toe and it would instantly kick down. This wasn't with it in sport mode either.

I fucked it off after 3 months, and now, 5 years later, I still see it driving around Aberdeen looking exactly the same. Somebody likes it, at least!

The Audi, on the other hand, got written off 6 months after I sold it. I knew the guy who bought it, and he got sideswiped by an HGV, the driver of which then claimed they "didn't see him". Look at the colour of it FFS! I'm glad he was unscathed and that the bastard Audi finally died, though.


These were my only two forays into what could be classed as "premium" or "luxurious" cars, and they were both awful. My cheap, basic sheds I have now are both far more enjoyable and reliable, as well as much older and higher mileage!

[Dead_E23]

Alfa 156. Looked nice but had a jiggly ride and a small boot aperture. Felt like you were going fast until you looked at the speedo to see you really weren't. Finally broke it's balance shaft belt on the M25, limped home and thence to the bridge.

Volvo V70 D5 - lovely. Its DPF - mother fucker!

[mercrocker]

Finally...

Laguna2.

I was given it, I was ripped off....

There is absolutely nothing about these that is any good, the entire festering pile of shit was utterly french in the worst way. The day I sold it for scrap was the best day of ownership.

With you on Lagunas, I suffered a hired one and although it didn't, it just FELT like it was going to break down. The talking twonk thing didn't work properly though and it was brand new....

I must confess I found the 406 a nice place to be and a decent drive when, again, I hired one for a European journey. Had I waited until they fell into my price range it may well have been a pile of crap by then, though.

[mercrocker]

Any Ford Ka, horrible things.

Jesus Christ, I had all but forgotten those bastards. When I met Mrs R. her best friend had one and we started car sharing to go out to rock and roll dances. I did one trip in the back of it (the girls didn't want to fold their dresses round their arses to get in the back) and as I was still being very polite made up some billy bullshit about creasing my suit and could we just go in my Merc in future?

It was the most disdainful shit thing I have ever sat in - a complete waste of 40 years of zillions of pounds of Ford development since they canned the 100E Popular. Even following one makes me heave - they look like a baby that has completely shat its nappy. Fucking vile.

[paulplom]

I always fancied a Laguna 2 when they came out around '01. I thought they were a good looking car. My ex sil had a 1.8 for around ten years, it was never serviced and never went wrong. They must have been lucky by the sound of it.

[SiC]

I'll never have a bad word said against the Laguna II. They are fantastic cars.

Which other manufacturer would put a talking computer in (as a cost-option) to specifically tell you there was a problem with the car?
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(Austin Rover that's who)

[Jazoli]

There's been a few

A 1994 MK5 Escort Estate 1.8D base as a company car, I'd sold my Saab 900 T16 as I was promised a brand new 306 D turbo by the guy who interviewed me and offered me the job, it transpires the senior engineer had seen the 306 in the carpark and claimed it, leaving me with that hateful POS escort, I don't know how anybody can see anything good in them, they are/were utter fucking dogshit, I wrote it off on purpose (which hurt more than I thought) and they ended up getting me a new last of the line MK6 1.8TD LX, which wasn't actually that bad, but still no 306 or Focus, which had just been released.

I bought a 307 Estate off someone on the other forum, I travelled all the way up past Glasgow to collect it and when I got there it seemed ok but it was a mis described piece of shit, I took a £500 bath on that one, it was bought on the strength of how nice my wife's 307CC was to drive, how 2 cars of the same make and year could drive so differently still amazes me now.

I also had an A3 2.0TSFI DSG, I sold it to Bangernomics in the end, it had been remapped and went like fuck, but would drop into limp mode at the most inopportune moments so I had it put back to standard at my local specialist and it was fine after, but...it had no suspension.....and the dsg would happily drop into 3rd or 4th on the motorway when you pressed the go faster pedal, which was unnecessary as it had well over 200bhp, shame really as it was a nice place to sit but I could never get comfy in it, I undersold it too, after spending a £lot on preventative maintenance.

A Skoda Superb, it was immaculate, but saddled with the PD130 donkey and an auto box, it was so unrefined it ruined the car, I was embarrassed when I took my wife's father out in it, he asked me if it was broken!

There's plenty more I have been glad to be shot of but those four spring to mind.

[mercrocker]

Escrots of that era were spectacularly dire, weren't they....After the Mk3/4 and the advent of the Focus you have to wonder if it was actually a product of the same company.

[59Impala]

I had just bought a clean dark green Viva HC (on Rostyles) for 40 quid from a mate who was a mechanic at an FSO dealership when he told me that they had a one owner 3.5 year old FSO 125P 1300 up for grabs for 200 quid and did I want it? Said okay, he got it for me, it was a lovely shade of orange with about 40k on the clock. So the good things about it were the headlights on full beam and the heater. The bad things, just about everything else. Was already rusting, the steering was very heavy, fuel mileage was shit and let's say politely that the engine was unrefined. It always had a problem with the battery leads not wanting to start the thing, you'd just get a click and that was it. I became very adept at whipping off the leads, giving the terminal a quick polish with wet and dry and that usually worked. Not though what I wanted to do after a long day at work in the station car park. Then the gearbox decided to jump out of first and third, apparently they were well known for that. So saw an ad for recon boxes at a place near Deptford, drove up from Margate, left it, had a day with a mate in that there London and collected it in the afternoon. Nice sunny day, was motoring home on the M2 when the generator light came on as the hateful thing had shat its fan belt. Then had to wait for over an hour for a grumpy RAC man to come along, accuse me of doing it deliberately (WTF?) and put a new one on. No I didn't tip him nor did I renew my membership. After a while a friend asked if I wanted to sell it as his father in law needed a car as his Mk1 Escort had nowhere else to weld to. Sold it for a profit though.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

I ran three Ford Ka's. I bought one new in 1999 and did 50k in two years. It was reliable, good on fuel and zinged along at 80-90. Great handling and just an excellent all rounder. They were not made to last but they were cheap. I had another in 2006 that was 8 years old, and it showed. Then another in 2014 that was also 8 years old. It had a proper fuel filler surround repair and is still going.

I ran a 2004 Laguna II 1.9DCI Sports Tourer (estate..) for six months. Bought unseen from auction in 2012, it had 90k on the clock and was predicted to be a disaster. All I had to do was replace the window regulators that cost £20 each new. It was clear that BMW hadn't designed the Laguna door because it was piss easy and took 45 minutes per side. I liked the car a lot, superb seats, nice ride, good handling and enough go. But THOSE FUCKING KEYCARDS.

I had a B6 A4 1.8T. I always wondered who drove an E46 when new and honestly thought the A4 was better. It was utterly average in everything and an absolute pain in the arse to work on.

Worst car ever? Peugeot 207CC with the abysmal 1.6 Turbo Prince engine shared with other PSA shit and MINI shit. This car had no good points. Nothing. Appalling driving position, not that fast, heavy on fuel, creaking body and windows plus that awful Prince engine whining drone. Plus it was so unreliable.


And the Saab 93. Jesus Christ.