Limobike Tales

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Ok, by popular demand and because I’ve cluttered WTC’s thread enough I’ll put my Limobike stories here on this thread. Because I’m a techno donkey I’ll just copy and paste them from other threads, hopefully it’ll all make sense. There may be some out of context, I’ll try to tidy that up.

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Talking about Madonna, another tale from the Limobike. I took Guy Ritchie on the bike at the time he was married to Madge. During the ride the conversation went like this.
GR. “Know the worse thing about being married.”
Me. “What’s that then?”
GR. “The fucking face on it in the morning!”

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A short list of celebs who I have met through my Limobike work. (Ones I particularly like.)
Paul O’Grady
Ben Sheppard
Vanessa Feltz
Kate Garraway
Aled Jones
Sir Ian McKellen
Chris Moyles
Dermot O’Leary
Eddie Izzard
Johnny Vegas
Kevin McCloud
Plus many more. I don’t always like what these people do, for example I can’t stand Moyles on the radio but he’s a great bloke in person.

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On the subject of appearing on tv.
I’ve been on loads of times. Mostly dropping B and C listers off the Limobike at TV studios etc. I was on national news as part of the convoy of journos following Jeffrey Archer when he was released from prison. The whole thing was filmed from a helicopter. I was on the bike behind Archer’s car and I had an ITN cameraman on the back. Funnily enough his name was Neil Hamilton.

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mercrocker wrote: ↑
Fri Apr 02, 2021 5:28 pm
There's quite a bit of wokeness amongst ramblers, I've always found. A good degree of car-haters, men-haters, landowner-haters amongst the honest folk who just like a stroll through the country. I suppose they wouldn't have, at one time, had that godawful Janet-Street-bloody-Por-tah in charge otherwise.
I took Street Porter on the Limobike once (just once). It was as unpleasant an experience as you might imagine.
SP. “Why are we going this way.”
Me. Because it’s the best route considering the time of day and the traffic.”
SP. “I think you would be better off going another way.”
Me. “I don’t agree.”
SP. “I’m sure the route I said is better.”
Me. “I don’t agree.”
Silence from the back till we were approaching the destination.
SP. “We got here quite quickly in the end.”
Me. “That’s why I’m on the front and you’re on the back. Have a good day.”
I never saw her again thankfully.

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Police escort. (Hope you don’t mind me cluttering up your thread.)
All the Limobikes were booked by the London Mayor’s office to take some EU delegates on a tour to show them how allowing motorbikes in bus lanes was working.
We all arrived at city hall to see seven or eight police bikes there too. We had a briefing from the copper who said we would be obeying speed limits and traffic lights etc. Unless we were running late in which case the blue lights would come on, they would hold traffic and we all would make progress.
Us Limobike riders were pretty good at riding together in a group having worked together for years so off we went. Big round London route. Embankment, Parliament Square, Buckingham Palace, Park Lane, Euston Road and out to the Isle of Dogs.
All pretty rule compliant. Then the blue lights came on.
Straight through red lights with the coppers holding the traffic. Ninety mph along the Commercial Road with the lead cop setting the pace. Flying over Tower Bridge on the wrong side of the road. Bloody marvellous.
When we got back and got the passengers off (mine was a bit* green and wobbly) the lead copper told us the they’d had a chat and they’d never escorted a group of bikes who had kept together so well and ridden so calmly and professionally.
That was a good day. Not too sure what the delegates learned but we definitely had some fun.

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Maybe, but I'm sure Limobike attracted more "entitled" passengers.
To be fair in 20 years there were very few dickheads. Those few always had the ‘knob tax’ applied.
One particular passenger, a Frenchman called Stefan the Cock was the exception. Works in the fashion industry for a famous designer. Just rude and ignorant. After a few trips I realised how much of a dick he was and stopped talking to him. Then I didn’t even turn the intercom on. I also rode differently, no where near as smoothly as usual. I’d also hit any potholes I could find and went over road humps faster than I usually did.
Petty but small victories and all that.

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I've read in various bike mags about Limobike companies.

One article said that when an application says that the rider is police trained the form goes straight in the bin as plod riders make shit Limobike riders?
We wouldn’t take on ex police. They’re good riders obviously and the training they get is very good but they’re used to being surrounded by the ‘police bubble’. Having the police bike meant vehicles got out of their way. One company, now long gone, had an ex copper and he’d put himself into situations I’d go nowhere near just because he was used to cars parting ways. I think he threw one of the Corrs down the road too.
Limobike will only take on riders who have at least ten years courier experience. Aside from learning your way around you also learn your vital survival skills. That sixth sense that says don’t go for the gap just as it closes off or that car is going to turn without signalling. Also after ten years all the stupid riding is long in the past.
Old riders, bold riders but not many old and bold.

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Yes it was. I was with Addison Lee Taxy Bikes for a while before but working for Limobike was the long term aim I had when I joined AL.
Before the FJRs we had ST1100s. They were great bikes but the FJRs were faster, much faster, handled better and had better brakes. Very reliable too, occasional earthing problems at high mileage but once that was sorted they were pretty bulletproof. I had one up to 186k, I wanted to get it to 200 but a bus had other ideas. Hit me at walking pace knocked me off and wrote it off. I was a bit fed up.

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It was some kind of contra sponsorship deal. We were sponsored by Honda, ST1100s supplied foc. That deal was coming to an end coincidentally with Virgin Mobile sponsoring the race bike. Shenanigans went on behind the scenes and we had a fleet of new 51 plate FJRs. Oddly enough I don’t have any photos of that day. So here’s one of me on the then new Trains bike on the platform at Euston station.
Good looking bike that one. I had the idea of imitating the train’s livery on the bike.

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