The Dark Wob

I bought an R8 Rover 416 from the auctions that looked pretty tidy. It was cheap because of a smashed door window. Didn't bother lifting the bonnet because, you all know about Honda reliability.A framed it home.
Bloody know it all neighbour saying '"a Rover?? Head gaskets blah blah etc" then me explaining that no, it the Honda engine one...

Next day when testing, it overheated. Head gasket failure. Spurting it out the cap..loads of pressure. Did not mention this to neighbour. Valeted it up, looked mint. Cleaned expansion tank and put a bolt in the hose leading to it with nice clean coolant in the tank. Made some money on that, not much though. What a arsehole I was in my twenties... I always did wonder just how far it drove back with the buyer

CLINT wrote: ↑Tue Jun 18, 2019 11:44 am

Warren t claim wrote: ↑Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:02 pm I'd quite happily see this thread merged with mine. No hijack at all, just makes sense.

WTF? still not used to this kind of behaviour from a mod

Maybe we need a new name for them?

How about serfs, they do thankless tasks and get no rewards?

I used to help out a mate who pulled stuff from auctions and ran his own driveway emporium on the side. There was always stuff that was temptingly cheap but absolutely unwanted and he did his fair stint of buying those before wising up. I remember particularly a lovely Fiat 132 that nobody even phoned up for - bloody Fiat couldn't even sell those. That ended up going back into the trade in exchange for an Avenger estate in fifty shades of blue. I don't think John was under any illusion that the thing was a dead horse but wanted the Fiat gone so that his missus would think he was wasting his time profitably.

We T cut the bloody Hillman within an inch of its life - I still remember thinking he shafted me giving me the roof to do and I have never wanted to T cut another car since. Six pound fifty worth of fake polar bear seat covers sorted the interior out and we though we would finish off with a nice pin stripe. The local caravan shop had a two-roll pack of twin white lines in their offer bin so we bought that. We did one side each, only John had a little bit more tape left over than me. "You must have gone round the shut lines more than me" he said. I wasn't convinced - mainly because I wasn't that tidy. "Measure the car" I said. We did. Almost a full inch shorter one side! It drove OK but something had definitely been going on although pulling up the carpets didn't reveal anything. Either Chrysler had built it that way or it had a nasty knock sometime.

Anyway it sold and no more was heard. Unlike the Mk2 Passat which came back badly and bit John hard enough to stop him altogether. Had more than one paint code was probably the best way of putting it.....I think his father in law ended up with that one!

This mate of mine John was what the Yanks would call a "shade tree mechanic". Absolutely nothing fazed him, I actually helped him use an oak tree to pull out a Chevette front panel with nothing more than a stout rope, some shackles and all the horsepower the 1256 pushrod could muster itself. It was a bloody nice job too, only minimal filler had it looking great. He gave me the job of taking back the unwanted new front panel that I was sure it would require..... Don't know how long the clutch would have lasted the new owner, though.

He dabbled in classic car racing and restored a few British sports cars in his domestic garage. That building had its own story, too. He tried, and failed, to get planning permission to extend it so simply rebuilt the end wall a few feet further out than it should have been. After a year or two he built a bigger garage around it and knocked the old one down inside! As far as I know, it still stands, totally unauthorised.

One thing that he didn't seem to cope with was Renault push-pull gear shifts and phoned me up excitedly from the auction house one Saturday - his inner Mediterranean used to come out in such situations. "Hey, come and get this bastard bloody Renault. You know how to work the bastard bloody thing..." Just because I had a 4 van at the time myself....Mind you, he let me borrow it that night to take a bird out. For some reason, turning up for first date in a van with blankets (I used to deliver lorry glazing) in the back seemed to put the girls off.

I was fearless once. Hot on the heels of an auction bought V12 XJ-S that ended up needing £3000 worth of resto work, I blew the £5000 sale price on a 1983 Y plate Porsche 928S Automatic.

What could possibly go wrong with an old, high mileage 928 bought from an auction?

Absolutely fuck all. Did the cam belts and water pump (pretty easy), changed the fluids and just drove it. It was the complete antithesis of an XJ-S because it was completely unrusty and everything worked.

My first ever BMW, bought for £250 in 1988, was a 1976 R reg 320 Auto E21. It looked good but was fucked. Over the space of 100 miles it would mix oil and coolant both ends and the big ends rattled over 3000 rpm. So the coolant was replaced by Brown Brothers degreaser, it was driven to within 2 miles of the auction whereupon the bottom hose was disconnected and the sump plug removed. About 2-3 gallons of fluids went into the drain. I dropped a mixture of black engine oil and EP90 into the M10, refilled with secondhand antifreeze and fired the cunt through. It sounded OK and did about £350. I vowed there and then to never buy another old BMW.

The Reverend Bluejeans wrote: ↑Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:00 pm I vowed there and then to never buy another old BMW.

I did that after each BMW I owned.

We didn't learn.

Yeah, but what's the fun in learning?

CLINT wrote: ↑Tue Jun 18, 2019 11:44 am

Warren t claim wrote: ↑Sun Jun 16, 2019 12:02 pm I'd quite happily see this thread merged with mine. No hijack at all, just makes sense.

WTF? still not used to this kind of behaviour from a mod

That's because it's your thread as well as mine and I didn't seek your permission!

Your thread is just as important, if not more so than mine.

The Reverend Bluejeans wrote: ↑Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:00 pm

My first ever BMW, bought for £250 in 1988, was a 1976 R reg 320 Auto E21. It looked good but was fucked. Over the space of 100 miles it would mix oil and coolant both ends and the big ends rattled over 3000 rpm. So the coolant was replaced by Brown Brothers degreaser, it was driven to within 2 miles of the auction whereupon the bottom hose was disconnected and the sump plug removed. About 2-3 gallons of fluids went into the drain. I dropped a mixture of black engine oil and EP90 into the M10, refilled with secondhand antifreeze and fired the cunt through. It sounded OK and did about £350. I vowed there and then to never buy another old BMW.

By sheer coincidence, this reminds me of the first BMW I ever owned back in 1988. It was a P reg 518 (note the lack of i) in white. It was the first type of 5 Series imported into the UK (E12) and didn't look half bad bearing in mind that to the casual passer by it looked pretty much the same shape as the then current 5 Series (E28). It boasted a four speed manual box and bore very few battle scars. Despite being incredibly grubby I saw the potential and fancied being seen around town in it, especially as the only two numbers is the registration were 11 so I could pretend it was a cherished plate on a new car. Eventually after what seemed like an age (why does the car you want to buy always seem to take longer than expected to get to the ring?) it came to its turn for glory. £210 plus £15 buyers search fee later I was a proud BMW owner! Sadly rather like the E21 owned by TRBJ above it started to knock its bollocks off above what was probably (no rev counter on the 518) 3000 RPM too. Now £225 was a lot of money for an 18 year old WTC to lose so I had no choice to send it back through and try and get as much back for it as I could. I valeted it to within an inch of its life and fitted wheel trims from a modern BMW liberated from a car park at the posh end of town. I was clued up enough to know that private sellers get shafted selling at auction with high fees and the worst slots so I phoned up the day before claiming to be North West Auto Supplies, a blag name I invented and requested a number, tradespeak for a decent slot. To my pride the 5 Series sold for £270! I paid my traders commision of 6% of the first £600 and 2% of the balance and was a happy boy! Well, a happy boy until the cheque arrived four weeks later paid to North West Auto Supplies! All my profit went on headed notepaper and business cards just to open a bank account to cash my cheque. A lesson learned.